Thoughts from 2009-2011:
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In the summer of 2005, I enlisted in the US Army as an 18x special forces candidate.

I have nothing but praise for most of the soldiers I trained with as they, like me, genuinely wanted to help rebuild Iraq, remove Al Queda from Afghanistan, and defeat those who we perceived to be our enemies. Most people were, and many still are, unfortunately, unaware of the reality concerning the controlled demolition and false-flag attack on September 11th, 2001.

We were lied to in the most heinous and psychologically damaging way. We were led to believe that we were attacked and that our enemies were from the Middle East. Rather, our real enemies are here in America, plotting more explosive theatre and more "terrorist" acts. We are meant to be kept in fear and we are meant to have a boogeyman enemy.

Osama, Assange, Axis of Evil, blah blah blah. We need to wake up. The real evil is the military-industrial-academic-prison-legal complex that enslaves us. The real evils are greed and murder and apathy.

None of this is new. These type of things have been happening forever. Wars are usually based on greed and lies. But, we have the internet. We have a moment of truth in history and they don't like it one bit. We can see the truth as clear as day. We have been mind-fucked by the richest and most powerful people on Earth into doing their bidding.

I was stationed in a basic training platoon at Fort Benning, Georgia and I have nothing but praise for the people who I served with and under until my uncharacterized discharge in early 2006.

The overall character and intelligence of the members of my special forces selection platoon was exceptional. Many of them came from the best universities in America and there was even a British national who wanted to help.

I never went overseas and after basic training I was AWOL for a few weeks because I began to fully realize that my bipolar disorder, a mental illness, I have dealt with for some time, was (a) real and (b) a reason I should not be in the army because my illness could endanger those around me. I had just bought into all the people who told me that it was all in my mind and that I could tough my way past a mental problem.

On a side note, being bipolar should never make the person who is bipolar's arguments any less valid, but this is the way the media and the powers that be play the game. "Of course he thinks jet fuel, mostly kerosene, couldn't melt steel- he's bipolar for god's sake..." says talking head take your pick. I choke on my own vomit when I see mental illness and being wrong equated. This is a mood disorder, not a logic and evidentiary and scientific disorder and more geniuses have it than the general population.

I came to realize that I could not and should not help because of my mental illness that I had denied. I had convinced myself that my diagnosis of bipolar disorder was, like so many people have and continue to tell me, "all in my head". I do not believe this anymore and I have people around me to tell me if I slip, mentally.

I became severely depressed and I began to fear the reprocutions of being absent from the army so I considered leaving the country but decided against it at the last minute in, I think, a moment of clarity.

When I returned to plea my case to the army, after being AWOL for three weeks or so, everything went well with my discharge. The army was nice to me, considerate of my mental illness, and appreciative of my attempt to help. What I wanted to do was help. I thought that my understanding of ethics would help guide those around me to do the right thing in the heat of conflict. It took another five weeks or so to be officially discharged.

When I joined I was basically homeless and dejected, completely, about my life. I had not paid close enough attention to the political details of the country at the time to be fully aware that joining was wrong. I also had completely convinced myself that my earlier diagnosis of being bipolar was a mistake and that I was fine.

This seems to be a common trait for bipolar people- to deny the problem when they are manic. I was very manic when I joined and was so until that winter when I became depressed and even had a seizure during night guard duty over the M-16 rack in my barracks. When I crash from hypomanic to depressed states, I have had a handful of blackouts and seizures related to the change from up to down and that is how severe of an electrical neural shift it actually is. From lights on bright to darkness in a day, an hour, a minute even.

At the time, and moreso now, I realized that George W. Bush's administration lied to get us into that war and I have had suspicions about whether isolated elements of our government orchestrated or allowed the 9-11 tragedies to occur. At the time I joined, I was only partially aware of these skeptical conclusions I now hold very strongly because of my years of independent research into the issues. I simply thought the war was a mistake, not an outright lie. I thought it a forgivable error of judgement, not deliberate.

I used to think Al Queda was real and was trying to destroy us. Now, I know it was invented, intentionally, by the U.S. government in order to make a boogeyman for us to hate. Remember, that "Al Queda" means "the members" of the CIA's database of mujahideen members from the Russian-Afghan war.

I do not blame soldiers for anything they do within the confines of the Geneva convention but I do blame the US government for starting the war in the first place and for lying and for creating the conditions that we now face.

These are not good wars. They, like the war in Vietnam, are not for just reasons any longer in our minds or in reality. The number of civillian men, women, and children that have been or are being killed is staggering.

The American empire should retract and let people be like the British empire did before us.

And, for the American government, taking away our rights and causing domestic dissent is letting Al Queda win. Al Queda wins when we eat ourselves and throw away the constitution.

I wish we could open up the deepest, darkest recesses of the US government so that people could see its ugliness and we could all get better. They lie to us and we struggle to know what is real and true. For us, these are not wargames that make millions of dollars a day in defense contracts. These are destructive enterprises. These enterprises destroy our confidence and erode our ethical foundations.

We should step back from this impirial nonsense and use our power for peace and stability and for things we can be proud of like our helping response in as in the case of the recent, early 2010 earthquake in Haiti. Although, after some research, the Haitian earthquake was probably a test for our HAARP atmospheric energy weapon. Look it up.

We should cut the military back immensely because, just as the founding fathers warned, the leaders of standing armies look for wars to fight in order to justify their existence.

Why can't we be like Costa Rica and put all of our money into education? We can keep a security force and we can even have the best of every type of military hardware in a reasonable, but greatly scaled-down, size. But, this military-industrial push to both validate the existence of things like the F-22 Raptor and use them is what will always require us to have an enemy. What if we put all this money, power, and technology to work helping, rather than dominating, the world?

What if we built a peace corps the size of the army? What if we helped people to learn to read, write, and use computers all around the world so that they could empower themselves to have better lives?

If America doesn't have an enemy to keep the war factories going, then it will invent one. We did not invent Al Queda, but we surely did work with it in Afghanistan when they were called the Mujahideen. Where do you think they got their training? The CIA trained them to fight the Russians who they took to be invaders. Now, they use the same training against our invasion. Why is this so hard to see?

Who the hell does not take seriously a memo entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Within the United States" unless they want it to happen? They didn't just want it to happen, they were planning to orchestrate the attacks in operation Code Angel and operation Tripod II, which are children of the never implemented operation Northwoods- a plan to frame Cuba by murdering Floridians.

True patriots fight tyranny, they do not march to it's drum. True patriots question and do not obey illegal orders. True patriots know the real enemies are the liars who have wasted American lives and innocent lives around the world for their goal of global domination.

Why are we in Iraq and Afghanistan building secret mega-bases? To have a staging ground for World War III probably. Surround Iran and be on both sides of Russia and China. Kyrgystan, Georgia, Afghanistan, Iraq... all bases for launching our empire further east.

And, trust me, the U.S. government has flying saucers. We've reverse engineered them and now we think we are unstoppable and maybe that's true. Maybe we can stop all the missiles. Maybe we can take over the whole world with our advanced space and military technology. But, maybe they are just planning on going underground and blowing us all away in a nuclear holocaust.

My advice is to not be part of the evil empire. Drop out, speak out, write, and get really fucking angry at the people who manipulated you. Don't take it out on your family or friends or strangers. Don't take it out on yourself because it's not your fault for trusting your government. It's their fault for being evil manipulators.

Thoughts from 05.13.2011:
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Things have only gotten worse with Obama in power. He is one of the best politicians in history as he is able to quell the left and appease the right with words to the left and actions to the right. Obama is simply the continuation of an Orwellian police-surveillance state in which the real enemy we face is the government we think we elect when the real power centers in intelligence, corporate, and military positions are entrenched and unelected.

America faces a dark future as the mainstream media pits us aginst ourselves, attempting to make the left and right look radical. But, here we have a fusion in 9-11 truth in that the far to middle left and right is beginning to find at least some common ground on the issue of American propaganda, lies, torture, and murder of its own citizens. In this fusion, we begin to turn off the television and find our true representatives out there in cyberspace, in engineers, Ph.D.s, CIA officials, FBI, military generals, citizens, victims, firemen, police, and all the countless others who now know something has gone terribly awry in this country.

Now they expect us to buy the hoorah of Osama Bin Laden's timely death. Bullshit. And, moreso for dumping his corpse, if it was his corpse, at sea. They probably had it on ice for the last decade waiting for a bad political moment to roll him out as the braindead media, that is no more than an arm of the government and corporate complex, spends every waking moment on this facade, this theater for more terror to come down through the halls of the Pentagon and land squarely on innocent civillians who are no more than sheepish pawns in a grand nihilistic game for world domination.

Parts of this previous page, under the earlier thoughts heading, are not so bleak but more time and research has only yielded more heinous awareness of the sick lengths the U.S. government has gone to in order to enslave our minds and bodies in what can best be termed the Fourth Reich, the title of a recent book by Jim Marrs. (The Rise of the Fourth Reich, by Jim Marrs, Harper Collins, 2008).